I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize