Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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