Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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