That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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