You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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