On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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