I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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