the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
