Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
