matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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