Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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