just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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