So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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