Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
