And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
