Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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