So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
