her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
