Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
