I think i peed on brittanys purse
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
