I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
last night I used snow as a chaser
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