omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
