i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
