Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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