LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
