Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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