When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
