I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
