I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
