whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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