I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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