walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
