if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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