Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
