She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
