Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
