Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
