Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
