btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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