this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
