I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Randomize
