I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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