You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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