her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?