i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
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I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend