Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
where are you?
Hypothermia
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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