all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
