In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
