i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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