My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
