I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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