i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
