from now on my penis is your penis
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
