The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
