You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
