i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
