I cockslap morals
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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