you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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