ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
