Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
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I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
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It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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