Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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