how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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