We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
