What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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