every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
