The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
