1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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