my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
