a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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