Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
