R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
