after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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