giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
