Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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