Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
