1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
