His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
