Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
