Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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