I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
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maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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