My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
