Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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