Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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