I met the friendliest cop last night
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
