The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
