How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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