she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
