Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
