I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
