I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
