Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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