I like my sex mixed with concussions.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
