also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
